


Old Habits

by Jay_JellyBear



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, its sad time boys, vent fic, whoops sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-08-22 09:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16595366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay_JellyBear/pseuds/Jay_JellyBear
Summary: Patton falls back into old habits. He thought he was over this, but it doesn't seem that way anymore.**This is purely a vent fic so updates are going to probably be few and far between**





	1. Warm to Cold

**Author's Note:**

> yay, vent fics. also my first fic I'm posting. double yay.

Patton stared at himself in the mirror. Sure, he had a bit more fat than the other sides, but he didn’t realize by this much. His stomach looked like it would explode out of his waistband at any moment. His legs and arms were flabby. It wasn’t like there was anything bad with having extra fat. It just that Patton felt like he had too much.

Frowning as he poked at his fat, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. The group had already gotten Patton through this before. Everyone had been kind and supportive. It was almost sickening how supportive they were. Patton didn’t deserve their friendship. Patton didn’t deserve them.

-

Patton hummed along to some song stuck in his head. He was making dinner for the rest. It wasn’t anything special, just some spaghetti. Something he didn’t have to pay to much attention to. Being pretty much the only side who cooked made it easy to control his new “diet”. He honestly surprised himself how easily he slipped back into it. It was about the same as before, with maybe a little less food.

To make sure the other sides didn’t catch on too quickly, Patton made sure to lessen his plate size slowly. He didn’t want to upset everyone again. He felt so guilty whenever they first found out. He couldn’t let them go through that again. So he set it up that every week he’d take a little less food. Today was the last day before going smaller again.

-

It’s been about two months. At least, that how long Patton thinks it is. He’s not that good at remembering the date. It doesn't seem like anybody has noticed. Patton didn’t know if he wanted someone to notice at this point.

He was so tired and cold all the time. He’s taken the sweater from around his neck to just wearing it. It wasn’t much warmer, but it hid his body somewhat.

Thankfully, Patton was able to keep his everyday schedule… mostly. He spent some extra time in his room in the morning and always went to bed early. He spent less time baking or cooking extra food. There was no need for temptation.

-

Patton silently cooked the meal for his friends. They all were sat on the couch, quietly talking to each other. He wondered if they could be talking about him, but he quickly shook his head, trying to remove the thought. It was selfish to think that.

As he opened the over, a wave a heat washed over him. It was almost too much of a change from the constant cold he was used to. He slowly let his eyes slip closed as he let the heat warm his frozen limbs for a moment.

When he opened his eyes back up, he suddenly left much colder. He was also on the couch now. He could hear mutters and mumbles, but they didn’t make any sense. He suddenly sat up, remembering the meal he was trying to take. Only to fall back down with a spinning head.


	2. To Late

Virgil sat on the ground, next to Patton. He had just been listening to music when suddenly he heard a crash from the kitchen. Finding Patton on the ground, entirely unconscious, was one of the most frightening moments of his existence.  
  
Virgil quietly reached out for Patton's hand, unsure if it was to try to support the sleeping man or stable himself. He only pulled his hand back once Virgil's fingers met Patton's iced ones. Slowly reaching again, Virgil grabbed hold of the others hand. The difference in temperature between his and Patton's hand burned.  
  
Virgil's mind immediately supplied a reason why. He didn't want to believe it. Patton was good, wasn't he? He would've told someone. He... wouldn't, Virgil realized. Patton knew exactly what the rest of the sides had went through the first time they all found out. He had convinced himself that all of them were hurt by it. Patton wouldn't want that to happen again, no matter how many times the rest of them tried to prove him wrong.  
  
Looking up at Patton's face, Virgil suddenly noticed how small he was now. Patton didn't radiate the sunshine that he normally did, even in his sleep. He now just looked sick like he had been for a while.  
  
Without realizing it, Virgil felt tears roll down his cheeks. How long had Patton been doing this? How long had Virgil, or any of the sides, just ignored him? Ignored all the signs he had fallen back again?  
  
"Patton... oh god Patton," Virgil sobbbed quietly. "What do we do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop I guess  
> thanks for all the support on the first chapter that's was p cool if y'all


	3. Guilt

Roman carefully pulled out the pasta from the oven and turned it off. Suddenly noticing, Roman realized how little Patton makes now. There was just enough in the dish for 3 people, Patton wasn't planning on including himself for this meal. 

 

Sighing, Roman looked out from the kitchen into the living room to Patton. He had been so unaware of it all. He didn't noticed how small Patton was now. He believed all of his lies to avoid being questioned. 

 

All because he so desperately wanted to believe that everything was perfect now. He so badly wanted Patton's past pain to be behind them all, so much so that he ignored any signs of current pain. 

 

Slowly pulling his gaze away, he watched Logan. He had the look on his face like he was thinking way to hard about something. That something was definitely Patton, and how observant he always was. 

 

Logan should've seen this coming He noticed the smaller meals, he noticed when Patton started to actually  _ wear _ his cardigan. Logan had seen everything happening and still did nothing. 

 

He so foolish belief that Patton was okay, that he was healthy again, that he had just been paranoid. 

 

Logan couldn't pull his eyes away from Patton on the couch. He should've just said something. He should've just done something, anything. 

 

"Lo, you can't blame yourself," Roman nearly whispered while putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "This isn't your fault."

 

Yes, he knew that. Thinking clearly meant that Logan hadn't forced or shamed Patton into doing this. Though a part of him worried that if he had just done more, Patton wouldn't be passed out on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow this is quick  
> it's not so much a vent when it's from the others perspective so that's cool  
> and I actually have like,,, a want to finish this story  
> so thats extra cool  
> thanks for all the comments


End file.
